Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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