If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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