just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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