We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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