My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
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