Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
