Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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