Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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