i just google imaged poop.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
