is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
