so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Randomize
