you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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