I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
