Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
is wine microwaveable?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
