how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
you never un-have a 4some
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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