Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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