I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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