Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
