So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
