wat bout pragnant strippers??
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
