Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I lost the right to judge tonight
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
