I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
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I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
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David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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