My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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