Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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