Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
