Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize