By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
