Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
