And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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