so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
