singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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