Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
ugly people sure do ruin things
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
