I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
