if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
