Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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