Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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