please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i will never coherently bang her
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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