I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
