I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
