Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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