I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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