she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
