You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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