so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
