I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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