I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
