Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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