Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
