Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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