Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
