Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
