I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
