Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
it's like heaven, but drunker
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
