It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
