You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
