4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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