i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
