Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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