Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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