i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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