My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
