had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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