Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
