it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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