It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
