When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
