when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
