just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I need water and some morals
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
