I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
