I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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