I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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