I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
