thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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