he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
