Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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