I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
