so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize