we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
