When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
