I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
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I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
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Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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